Off Track...

Well, got a little off track again...not sure why I keep doing this.  I am doing good, making great choices, feeling good about my progress and then one little thing happens and I spiral out of control.  I was in more pain and took more pain pills instead of making do with what I am supposed to take or instead of trying to find alternate ways to ease the pain.  I was emotionally exhausted after the past week despite the success I had while I was walking through the storm...and then I forget my snack one day, so was starving by lunch.  I came home and I honestly tried to be good, but I really could tell that I was already headed for going off the program. 

I think a lot of it was just being so tired emotionally.  Its too bad I didn't have a way to go out and blow off steam from all the emotional stuff last week...a movie, a drink with a friend or something just to regain my equilibrium so I could be more effective in all areas of my life, not just in the eating or pain pill usage.  I think I need to make more of an effort in doing something with friends and building up some friendships so I feel I have a place to turn when I am struggling with that much emotional crap.  I have my mom (thank God), but I don't want  to overburden her with all of it and I can't expect ONE person to take on all of my stuff...I need to build some friendships too. 

I had a lot of friends in my church, but they seemed to have faded away when I was no longer able to attend church there and I haven't found another church that I feel comfortable enough in to build friends yet.  A big part of that is the church we are attending is so big, so it takes more effort on my part to meet and get to know people and I am not very good at that.  I also just don't have a lot of time to find new people to make those connections with.  I feel that church is probably the area where I really need to step it up and make more effort at turning it into a family of friends.  I need that connection to a church, I miss it so much.  I would prefer a smaller church where it is easier to get to know others, but the kids like this church and I want to lead them spiritually and I can't do that if I pick a church for me and then they won't attend with me. 

I have so many areas of my life that I need to work on so that I can get to a point where I am not continually going off of this program toward improved health.  But it seems each time, I am learning more about myself and areas of weakness and maybe a little about what is causing them.  I need to be sure to walk away from each struggle, each set back with a plan to avoid "cheating"  for the same reason in the future.  And, dang, if Valentines day isn't a struggle this year!  I don't know why it is, it shouldn't be.  I am happy to be the mom of three wonderful kids and I am content in my life...really have no time to fit a guy in (not even a date), but it is hard this year.  That is probably just related to this term being so hard and having so many struggles and it is hard to deal with it alone.  building friendships would probably help in this area too....

When I first started this blog, I had the idea that it might be nice for anyone who was interested to join me for a night every other week to share ideas about what is working and what isn't (whatever your health goals are or what program you are using to reach them).  We could play games, just talk, and/or go on a walk or hike somewhere.  Anyone interested, just let me know...you can text me 541-740-9268 or email me 4tracyann@gmail.com.  Or if you just want to catch a movie or something sometime, a girl can never have too many friends...this is just as much a part of my journey to better health as is eating better, losing weight, exercising, cutting back on meds and reducing stress levels.